dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
