Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
