I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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