Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
