am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
