Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
