my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
