chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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