so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
