I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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