and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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