I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do vagina's smell?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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