you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He better not be in your backpack
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
