haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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