The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
