i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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