Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
