That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
