im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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