this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
