he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
