47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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