plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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