Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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