her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
