I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
