I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
