You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
