I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
