I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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