i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
