no, he came in my armpit
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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