Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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