I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
