She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
