Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
