My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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