I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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