I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Mom said you looked used
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
