And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
