I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
