News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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