im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
