No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
