You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
