went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
