Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
