tell your sister to shave her snatch
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
