my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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