he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
