so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
