Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
